WHY DO MARRIAGES FAIL?
Satan is the best destroyer of marriages and hates married couples the most. His best feast is when he manages to split a married couple. He causes doubts between them and make it seem that there is no way out of a particular situation. Satan is very much aware of peoples’ weak spots, and so approaches them from these angles. People who listen to Satan’s whisperings follow him instead of following Allah’s commandments and live in fear and anxiety. Allah states that only one type of fear that will lead a person to the right path is the fear of Allah. The Quran proclaims that Allah, the Possessor of Infinite Knowledge, will give people the ability to distinguish between right and wrong if they fear Him. This is one of the most important characteristics for a person to have. Discerning people who have faith know the difference between right and wrong, and thus are not fooled by Satan’s games.
Below are some suggestions to wives in light of Islam to maintain a happy married life:
Avoid arguments. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple ‘I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault. When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Below is a very good story which provides a beautiful example of tolerance and patience which is essential for any successful marriage.
A man and woman had been married for more than 50 years. They shared everything. and kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he never thought about the shoebox, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the shoebox.
When he opened it, he found two hand made dolls and a bag of money totalling $20,000. He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage
was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and make a doll.”
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the shoebox. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness “Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?” “Oh,” the little old woman said, “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
BE ATTENTIVE TO THE COMFORT AND WELL BEING OF YOUR HUSBAND.
A good Muslim wife should always be trustworthy and kind. She should strive to be cheerful and encouraging towards her husband and family, and keep their home free from anything haram (haram covers all aspects of harm, including bad behaviour, abuse and forbidden foods).
Rasul Allah – Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. Always treat him the way you would like to be treated. If you follow this rule, your marriage will have a much greater chance for success and if discarded then failure is just around the corner.
Regardless of her skills or intelligence, a wife should accept her man as the head of her household give him full respect and carry out his wishes with a clear conscience. She should take into consideration the needs and abilities of her husband and attempt to make him happy, even if she has to compromise sometimes. It is because men are given an extra degree of responsibility.
“Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .” (Qur’an 4:34)
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid.
BE THANKFUL AND SHOW APPRECIATION
Appreciate and thank your husband for what he does for the family. Never make him feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family.
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaiyhi Wa Sallam) was reported to have said:
“On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband.”
Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does as this is one of the most important techniques and to be the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.
BE CAREFUL OF YOUR WORDS AND MENTAIN GOOD RELATION WITH IN-LAWS:
Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation. Maintain good relation with your in-laws especially his mother. Do not say anything bad about his family.
BE POLITE KIND AND PATIENT AND CONFESS YOUR MISTAKES
Treat your husband like you would treat your best friend. With our best friends we try to be polite kind and patient. With our spouses we often do not show these courtesies. Good marriages require patience kindness sacrifice love understanding forgiveness and hard work. Moreover, consider the reward in the hereafter for those who show patience:
“Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full without reckoning (or measure).”
When you make a mistake, admit it and when your husband commits a mistake, excuse him easily and if possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.
BE CONTENDED WITH WHAT YOU HAVE AND LEAD AN EASY LIFE:
Don’t be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. The ’rizq’ is from Allah (SWT). In order to develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Thank Allah (SWT) for the many blessings in your life.
HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR
Men seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humour. As Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – told Jabir (r.a.) to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.
PRAY TO ALLAH
Make dua to Allah for the well being of your husband and for your successful married life. By doing this daily you will notice increased love between you and your husband.
[Q. Why is there no advise to husbands in this article?
Ans. Answer is simple. The wives who follow the above mentioned advises and tips, In Sha Allah, husbands (all kinds included) will have to respect and love their wives, without doubt. The question is - If the above mentioned qualities are there in a wife, is there a need for advising the husband?]
(Of course there are serious advises for husbands too – BUT; another day; another article.)